WHAT!  It's the Battle of the Season!
by OtobekruD
Summary: Black black and more black. Sounds mysterious? Dangerous? Devilicious? heh. Never been more wrong! Living in the closet  of Hijikata is...read on to find out!
1. True Colors!

**WHAT?! - It's the Battle of the Season!!  
"Gin", "Hijikata" VS ****"Gin-san!" "Toshiro-san!"  
Chapter one - True Colors!**

Gin-tama... Enjoy!! (and yes, i love imagination )

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"really?! woa... its been what.. a century since isao found someone good enough for his standards!" 

"yeah.._ "you must be tough...able to handle pressure...able to eat salami...able to wear a tight suit...able to_-" and the list goes on!"

Snicker. Snicker.

"well we'll see him soon enough- ah! there's the captain!"

At that note the shinsengumi that had been gathered by the leader of Kyoto's police organization, and also the brains and "true tensai"; Hijikata Toshiro stood up and saluted. "you do the honors, mayora" After a glare, and a few choking seconds... "ahem., yes, we have a new addition to our team; please welcome Hiyoko Kage. Please be nice to him."

Black hair. Black eyes. Black jacket. Make that a huge black jacket. Black. Black. Black.

"...Im gonna go black-sane.."

"ah..black..black..black..."

"...probably a distant, quiet, devil.. or genius.."

"yeah.. gotta watch out for him.."

_ten days later..._

"THE BIRD IT-IT PECKED ME-" The door bangs open, revealing a wild, scrambling, and black cloaked figure. Everything would be fine.. if only he didnt scream out...

"...what happened to "distant, quiet devil?!"

"..i thought he was supposed to be cool.." The shinsengumi sweat dropped, as hijikata and kondo tires to drag the new member away from hiding behind a pot-- to keep him restrained at a distance. He seemed to be really rather foolishly interested in pots...Finally they had to give up as Kage gone to the extent of bitting the commander's behind.. and the mayo king had to get a band-aid. "... mayora-we've gotta talk."

"This is the third time!!! THIRD TIME!!! He's TINY .. TINY like a FEMALE how the heck does he have that much bite power!? And also keeps eating here-he's making us bankrupt!!" Hissed the commander, rubbing his sore behind and growling. "..I know that he's incredibly fast as a fighter but did you see how much he SLACKED OFF during the last mission?! PLEASE..!! take him to a buffet once in a while or something-doesn't he live with you anyways?!"

"..no. he doesn't. we need him... how about this- every time he finishes a mission we treat him...the bigger the mission.. the bigger the treat. OUR treat.. don't try to get outta this one." Hijikata glared at him.

"Fine.. but the missions.. you'll have to go with him.. i can't risk him eating any more of my commanders.. he's already given Yamazaki brain damage.. he's still in the hospital." Kondo shuddered at the visual of the curled up spy shaking and holding onto the commander. His last words before unconsciousness were "so much...eat...eat...sleep..eat..no!!! NOOO!! Yamazaki no money left!!!! NOOOOOO!! faints".

"...what makes ya think he won't devour-"

"i dont really care about you.."

"...WHAT?! IS THAT EVEN RIGHT?!?!"

"just go, dammit! oh and im sure he said that he lived with you... during the interview...go check your closet or something."

"... closet...?!"

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_damnn im so hungry.. don't wanna get up... ughhh.._ The black haired shinsengumi turned in his sleep. This place.. was too cramped. Damn that hijikata... why the heck does he have such a small and cramped closet?!? _Sigh..._ Suddenly, the door to the closet was flung open, and a tired-looking hijikata looked in.. and gaped. Gaped. And gaped some more.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! WHEN-WHAT-WHERE-HOW?!?! WITHOUT ME KNOWING?!"

"hmm? oh you mean you didn't know i was living in here? i left you a slip on your door..." Hijikata twitched. the _door?!?_ It was probably blown away or something. He scratched his head with a sigh. "well.. if you're here.. i might as well tell you.."

1111111111111111111111

mission in exchange for food. sounded good. not so great in reality. Okay.. so the mission this time was to track down a blacklisted gambler whos cheated for millions already.. he's probably got some kind of cheap backup- being the cheap sorta person that he is... sideburns, orange hair.. can't miss him. Alright. "you ready, hijikata?"

" hmph.. that's "commander" to you."

They were currently on a sky ship casino.. one that just recently opened. It was a definite that the orange-head would be here tonight. In fact, there he is entering right now- with...yup. just as it was recorded. A cheap looking samurai, with a four-eyed freak, and some ailen dog with a girl on top. Kage flicked a look to hijikata, who was-what?! He was approaching the victim?!?! No.. he was approaching the curly-haired cheap-looking samurai. They were.. arguing?! Kage sighed again and walked towards the group- and smacked his sempai on the head, using his alien speed to add power to the punch. Hijikata shouted in pain, bended over as a comical bump began to form on the top of his head. "gahh..!!! owww.. damn what are you doing..?! "

"..you just blew our cover, _captain. _So let's just hurry this up."

Gin's eyes widened and he raised an eyebrow at the black cloaked figure in front of him. he was probably just a few years younger than himself and hijikata.. yet he was so much.. smaller. Not in the frail kind of way.. but his shoulders were narrow.. like a girl's. But the heavy-looking cloak covered everything- making him look more masculine. Gin scratched his head, looking from the bent over figure to the cloaked figure; finally understanding the predicament that they were in. "Shinpachi. Get our customer away for the moment. we got business, huh, rival?"

At this the commander regained his composure. "This is it, then. Im sorry, but you're holding a criminal, Gin. Kage; get ready." The smaller shinsengumi rolled his eyes at that comment. Get ready?! He was always ready to roll. His eyes flicked to the silver haired samurai; and was a little taken back by the confusion found in his eyes. He didn't know...? Kage shrugged off that thought. he wanted to fight the Gin-samurai dude- and exercise a bit before the buffet that was awaiting him at the end of all this.. but it looked like hijikata had got his eyes set on him. The girl will do, then. After all, he was good with inugami.

"let's go!" both Gin and hijikata withdrew their swords; well.. one of them anyways-the other one held a stupid looking wooden sword. Shinpachi stayed behind a table, a few paces away, mingling with the crowd that had gathered to watch the fight. He looked back to the customer-and found nothing beside him. He had only been distracted for a couple of minutes- looks like what they said was true; he was a criminal, huh. What a pain. Now they won't be paid again. He sighed, and tiptoed away from the crowd, looking around for the annoying idiot who didn't know what was good for him.

Kage hated onlookers. It distracted him.."we're Shinsengumi. Run now, or you might be killed. We're sinking this damn ship to the depths of the sea..it's SHOWTIME!" He said into a microphone that appeared out of nowhere, shooting at the ceiling a few times. S_orry..i've actually got nothing against you, casino owner. Great idea, by the way, a floating casino. I'll be sure to come visit some time. _

_Showtime._

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Review? thxxx fer readinggg Oh and flamies will be severely bashed as this is my first fan fic


	2. Battle it out! Sweat it out!

**WHAT?! - It's the Battle of the Season!!  
"Gin", "Hijikata" VS "Gin-san!" "Toshiro-san!"  
Chapter 2-Battle it out! Sweat it out!**

Yoo! its me again.. hopefully you enjoyed the first chapter.. yay action in this one! and something else too..  
Gin-tama no mine..but enjoy this chapter!!

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_"..it's SHOWTIME!!"_

Kage grinned, and unshealthed a...gun..!?!?He shot onto the roof a couple of times, resulting in chaos and well.. chaos. Men and women and aliens alike, screaming and running around, trying to find an exit and escape this madhouse. Shinpachi crawled around, looking for the orange haired nuisance that was causing all of this. "Gin-san!! We've got to evacuate!! The client is already escaped!!" But that, of course could not go between the rivalry of Hijikata and Gin, both in the midst of their heated conversation about things that should not be argued over at a time like this. For example how mayonaise is bad for one's lovelife. Kagura wasn't doing too well either. Her alien strength against kage's alien speed.. it was quite a match.

"..What are you... a youkai?!" Kage sweatdropped as half of the casino was reduced to ashes by the girl that rode the dog. But of course.. if there's still ground to stand on.. he was safe. Even if there wasn't any.. he didn't intend to use force. He would simply not let there be a chance to. _hmmm.. wonder how hijikata's doing?_

"I'm telling you, shinsengumi don't cry during "My Neighbour Pedoro"!!"

"...So what, you permanent perm!!"

"WHAT?! That's it! Do you even know how painful it is to have a permanent perm?!"

They weren't even fighting...Kage suddenly snapped back to his battle as an umbrella nearly shattered his skull.. but instead shattered the floor. "HIYAAA!!!" Krud, looked like he'll have to use the gun he stole from shinsengumi that he wasn't allowed to have yet.Jumping onto a slot machine, he withdrew the gun once again and pinpointed at the girl. To his surprise, the purple umbrella opened again and-what?! it was bullet-proof?!And there's a built in gun?! Kage jumped away just in time.. only to be followed again by the countless bullets that the girl was firing at him. "GYAA!! Good thing im skinner when im hungry.." Meanwhile..

"huh? oh look. Your son's actually dodging kagura's alien attacks.." Gin pointed at the scene of which kage was jumping from obstacle to obstacle, which were reduced to ashes by kagura's bullets.

"..What? i don't have a son..oh you mean kage? Really? That's pretty neat." At that comment, both men sat down with their legs folded, and watched the scene. Shinpachi glared at the two, finally breaking the silence. "..THIS ISN'T A SOAP OPERA!! WE'RE SINKING!!"

"EHHHHH?!?! Kagura!! Kage!! STOP FIGHTING!! WE'RE FALLINGGGG!!!" Strangly, both Gin, Hijikata, and Shinpachi were afraid of heights. But.. luckily, there were no people on board. Well... not exactly. Hijikata, Gin, and shinpachi landed painfully, but thanks to sadaharu, both kage and kagura were unharmed.

"Hijikata.. the orange man is getting away. what should i do?" Kage asked his unconscious commander, pointing to the orange haired man running away with arms full of cases that he snubbed at the casino. Suddenly, a police alarm begin to sound off in the distance. _Not good..._ "Hey, curly, im borrowing your bike for a while!" Not like the unconscious gin could hear his comment, so kage took that as an "ok"; dumping his beloved commander onto the back, and racing after the criminal. Of course.. it is at that moment that his gun runs out of bullets. But.. no matter. Gin's motorcycle still had the rope from episode one that ayame used to tie shinpachi to the tree. Or was that episode 2..? _Snap! _The rope wound around the body of the criminal, and pulled him from the motorcyle, dragging across the streets which aroused a very confused hijikata.

"What..why the heck are you driving that perm's stupid motorcycle?..O-oy..oy!! kage!!" It was a good thing that he chose to wake up at that moment, becuase kage had fallen at the wheel, and they were currently running into a truck. Saving their necks at the last moment, hijikata first drops off the orange haired guy (whos name is not defined) and drove kage and himself home. By the time hijikata carried kage into the rented apartment at the back of a comic shop (yes thats how gin and him first met--jump. No actually they met on a roof. That was just my making up.) it was almost two in the morning. "..Good thing you're light.. or else i would have left you at the bike." Hijikata grumbled, setting kage on the couch.

Feeling his stomach growl, the commander decided to make some bowl-ramen.. and just becuase he's a nice guy, made an extra cup for kage as well. Seeing that he still had yet to wake up, hijikata waved the bowl under his nose. That did the trick. The black haired shinsengumi jumped up with a start, and devoured the cup in just a few seconds. Hijikata poked at his own a bit unwantingly. (the noodle had a tear sadly running down it)

"..Hmnn...what happened to the orange haired guy?"

"You fell asleep while driving, idiot! we almost got killed!!"

"Well.. that's too bad.. i was so tired..." After a few minutes silence, hijikata sighed, and offered his half cup of noodles left to kage. Looking away, hijikata poured it into his cup, refusing to meet the other shinsengumi's eyes, not used to doing these kinds of things. "Don't think im worried about you or anything...it's just that-"

"Mmmnn.. don't worry.. i understhan'.." kage didn't hesitate or thank hijikata for the noodles, but just consumed them, and curved his eyes in a crescent with a mouthful. The higher classed shinsengumi twirked an eyebrow at the sight. _No manners at all..._

"..get to sleep. it's late." Hijikata scratched his head, falling onto the bed with a sigh.

"Im borrowing this." kage shrugged, inviting himself to pull some random clothing out of the closet that he was currently occupying. The costume that he pulled out was exactly like the one that was on hijikata at the moment; an identical replica. " It did take you about two weeks before you figured out that i was living in there.. this thing has dust on it."

"HEY!! DON'T JUST TAKE MY CLOTHES WITHOUT ASKING PERMISSION!!" Hijikata's cheeks glowed, as he reached out in an attempt to snatch back his personal items. But kage was already in the bathroom, and he fell face on the floor. The water began to run in the shower. Glowering, hijikata sneaked into the bathroom, no perverted-ness intended, just trying to get his items back. _This guy... he just invites himself to do whatever, huh..._

Glaring around, hijikata's eyes caught onto a black bundle, with gold trimmings on the bottom_. Ah_... Pulling kage's cloak off the top, his fingers brushed against the next item in the layer- both the commander's eyes and mouth widened, without any sound comming out. Running out of the room, he slammed the door shut, and slid down it's surface, a shaking hand covering his lips. Kage was oblivious to anything that was currently happening outside of the shower stall, and sighed, closing his eyes as the water beat against his face. Hijikata whimpered as his shoulders started shivering.

_W-WHAT...?!_

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WHAT HAPPENED?!! pretty obvious... but i still love cliffhangers don't you ? .. thanks for reading! 


	3. WHAT?

**WHAT?! - It's the Battle of the Season!!  
"Gin", "Hijikata" VS "Gin-san!" "Toshiro-san!"  
Chapter 3-WHAT..?!?**

heh heh this chap is a definite hilarious twist in the plot line.. it was hinted a few times before.. but now its time to reveal the TRUTH!! Well.. i should stop blabbing- enjoy!

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_**"GINTAMA!!"**_

**_"BLEACH!!"_**

**_"Sorry, kurosaki-san.. but it seems like theres another one hour Gintama special-"_**

**_"Ahh.. that's alright sakata-san"_**

**_"Yosh! then from the beginning?"_**

**_"GINTAMA!! BLEACH!! ONE HOUR SPECIAL!!"_**

_Theme music begins..._

_11111_

Hijikata leaned against the bathroom door and slid down. His shoulders shook as a short whimper escaped his lips.

_W-what...?!_

Pulling off the heavy cloak, hijikata had reached the next piece of clothing in the pile- but it wasn't what he was expecting. Soft. Silky. White. Lingerie. A definite contrast to all the black. But WHY..?! It didn't seem like kage was the kind of guy who had time on his hands to crossdress.. after all.. why crossdress just with underwear? Then it hit him. Skinny shoulders, a head shorter than the normal guy at their age, unreasonably light, and his voice.. it was as if he had just hit puberty.. it all made sense now. Eh. it all made sense now..?! Hijikata.. for almost three weeks.. had been harbouring.. a..a..FEMALE..?!?! No.. this can't be possible.. how the heck did they all miss all those clues..?!? what should he do now..?!?!

"oy.. why is the door jammed?" A muffled voice grumbled, with a tired pitch to it. Hijikata flinched, diving into his "safety corner". Kage stepped out, dressed fully in hijikata's about three million sizes too large clothing, yawned, and crawled into the bed. Hijikata's bed. If it wasn't for the fact that he was in shock and that she was a woman, he would have kicked her sorry ass out onto the streets. Instead, keeping an eye out in case the girl were to jump up and eat him, hijikata slowly procceded to the couch; his bed for the night. He wasn't going to sleep well at all tonight...Hijikata decided that he would rather not let kage know that he knows that she knows that he knows that he knows... you get the point.

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Kage opened her eyes , adjusting to the bright sunlight. And also an empty stomach. Looking around and realizing that she was currently occupying not a closet, but a bed, with no commander in sight, kage decided to go visit an old friend. She wasn't particulairly good at cooking; acutally you can say Otae's cooking would taste something of the same species. Rubbing her sore shoulders from yesterday's hearty exercise, kage rolled up the long sleeves of the shinsengumi jacket that she currently wore, it being way to big for her. There.

A few strolls later, Kage found herself outside the yorozuya. _That 'Sakura' would have something to eat.._ "Yo."

Sitting at the table were shinpachi and kagura, sipping tea and eating rice. The silver haired perm was reading some kind of magazine...and acting useless like always. "huh? oh you're from yesteday!" Kagura smiled with a mouthful of rice.

"Mornin, sakura. Ah.. that goddamned hijikata left me starving this morning.. what the hell was he doing getting up so early anyhow.." Kage's stomach rumbled, as she helped herself to gin's bowl of rice. "It's kagura... not sakura..." Shinpachi started, but seeing that kagura herself was unbothered by this, he decided to leave it at that. Gin looked up from his jump magazine at the girl who was eating something that looked suspiciously like the bowl he was carrying just a moment ago.. "hey! that's mine-" but was cut off as kage sat on his lungs. "Hmmm??"

"a-ah...no-nothing..."

Suddenly, the door slammed open, then shut, and with no warning at all kage was thrown aside by a purple blur. "gin-san! are you alright?"

"ahh..ite-te-tehhh... hey shouldn't you be asking me that question?" Kage looked up at the what could be called four-eyed kunoichi before her. Ayame glared at kage coldly, causing her to sweatdrop, then went back to her precious "gin-san", kneeling beside him.

"Ayame-san?" All three members of the yorozuya said, looking at the violet haired lady.

"Hey, i told you to stop following me." Gin muttered, rubbing his head. He looked to see if kage was hurt; more worried even about her than what ayame was saying at the moment. Good thing there seemed to be nothing wrong with the kid, she was just gaping at the violent woman. "Don't you have work or something?" Gin sighed. This was getting bothersome.

"Gin-san! who is this guy..? why was he ontop of you? he wasn't tryna do something to you, was he? You gay pervert!" Ayame pointed at kage comically, declaring a chalenge. "I challenge you to a duel! Winner takes all.. Don't think just becuase im a woman i can't fight.. For gin-san i will win!"

Kage, gin and shinpachi stared at her incrediously, while sadaharu chomped on her head excitedly; making it bleed. "Ooo!! a duel! yay!" Kagura smilled while chewing on her sukonbu.

"Ayame! Stop this nonsense..Kage is new at the shinsengumi he can't-" Gin shouted at ayame, annoyed, but she put her finger to his lips, blushing madly. ".. g-gin-saaaannnn...say that again..." Gin flinched at her touch.. He had forgotten that she had extreme masochism; and enjoyed being put down and threatened by him.

Kage twitched. "I never knew you had a girlfriend, Gin..but..ayame was it..? you can have it.. i don't want it." She held up her hands. Ayame blushed at the "girlfriend" comment.

"NO!! DON'T SAY THAT!! she's not my girlfriend..and..why are you so cold..?! im not an "it"." Gin was clutching to kage's pants, shaking and terrified. "i-i'd rather be g-gay..you don't know how t-terrible.." Gin looked up to kage, eyes wide and watering. "please..."

Kage stared at gin for a few moments dumbly. _What the..._ Then again.. that violet-haired person was pretty frightening.. with her masochism and...well "her". Well. Bending down to gin's ear level, kage whispered into his ear; "i'll do it- if you buy me lunch." Gin paled. Buying someone lunch when you didn't even have a penny left in your pocket didn't seem like such a great idea.. but then again.. a lifetime of masochism could be worst. "..Alright."

"So. Let's go! Winner gets gin-san's love-love!!" Ayame pointed outside. "The bridge!" Sadaharu barked, and bit her again.

_Meanwhile..._

Hijikata raised his arms and put them behind his head lazily. His stone blue eyes closed for a second, as a warm morning breeze drifted past him. He heard kondo sigh beside him as well. This was too good. This was-

"Alright! Here! Whoever falls first!"

"...In the water..."

"Unless you're giving up-im fine with that.. gin-san will be mine everntually!"

"...i thought i already explained...don't want it.."

" W-WHAT..?! "IT"?!? IM AN "IT" AGAIN..?! ah. you again..wanna play or something? too bad.. im wagering my life on this one..anyways don't you have work to do?"

Damn. Looks like he spoke too soon. Hijikata felt his blood boil at the sight of the silver haired samurai lying on the grassy hill_. What was this man's problem..?! showing up everywhere he went_...

"I AM WORKING, YOU TROGLODYTE!! IM PATROLLING, SEE?! UNLIKE SOME-" Hijikata was cut off by the commander;

"Hey. Toshou.. isn't that Kage?"

"What? it can't be.." Hijikata looked around, until his eyes caught a certain jacket that was way too familiar.. "WHAT?! KAGE!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!"

"Oy!! Don't desturb his concentration! Though she doesn't look like it; ayame is a pretty strong! From practicing masochism of course.." Gin yawned. "shinpachi, tell them."

"...lazy ass.." Shinpachi glared at Gin before announcing to the shinsengumi what had happened this eventful morning. By the time he was finished, hijikata had fallen to the ground in disbelief, and Kondo had settled down happily. He was going to enjoy this.. and toshou really should too.. after all, they hadn't even seen kage fight yet- it might give him an excuse to yell at the kid.. and feel more responsible. Heh heh. But it looked like there was something bothering the vice-commander.

"But i can't believe kage-kun would actually accept and fight against a woman- it doesn't seem like something that a man would do.."

"..SHE'S NOT A MAN!!" Hijikata finally burst out, eyes wild, and cigarette dropped to the ground. His face was flushed and cheeks puffing, as everyone turned to look at him.

"Whaddya mean, "she's not a man"..?" gin smacked him in the head. "hey.. stop thinking things like that-it's not good for you."

"IM SERIOUS!!" Everyone looked on, gaping at him as he explained the contents of last night. When he was finally finished, everyone took a deep breath-and broke off into laughter. "w-what?!" toshiro growled. Even Sadaharu seemed to enjoy it, as he bit on gin's head.

"Well.. it was obvious."

"Yeah. I can't believe you didn't notice after LIVING with her."

"mmhmmm.."

"Even i had my doubts" Commander Kondo coughed. "YEAH RIGHT!!" hijikata scowled and blushed.. How dare they know before he did?! To have him discover such an obvious thing only after experiencing..THAT..?!"Hey. Don't tell her that i-..just treat her like a guy, okay? or else im dead..for touching such a thing.." The rest of the gang grinned evily. They all knew what was going on in each other's heads-_blackmail..!!!!_

"Well.. this makes my part much more easier to bare.." Gin sighed. "mhmm!" kagura agreed, chewing on her sukonbu."Now you don't have to get plastic surgery and become homo-homo!" Everyone flinched at kagura's outburst. Looking back to the bridge, it seems like the battle is finally starting..or maybe not.

"..ah! i don't have a weapon!" Kage patted all her pockets; but nothing was in them. Ayame stopped swinging her scythe tied to a rope, and sweatdropped. "WHAT..?! weren't you supposed to check before..?!" _This guy wasn't taking me seriously at all!!_

"aheh heh.. ahh-oh! hold on-" Kage ran to the yorozuya members and sadaharu, ignoring her two commanders, and not greeting them at all; to which hijikata and kondo grimmaced, and twitched. "Hoy. it seems like that stupid hijikata doesn't even have any weapons in here...borrowing" She held up a bokuto, and ran off, without bothering to ask at all.

"..yeah..that's alright if it's shinpachi's.." gin looked to his waist. There was nothing there. Somehow, without anyone noticing, she had stolen his sword. "...w-what..?!? HEY!! KAGE!! COME BACK!! THATS A WOODEN SWORD!! noo!! she can't possibly win with that stupid thing.." Eh. The rest turned to look at him in unison. "then why don't you buy a new one?!"

"Alright..let's go!! for gin-san's love!!!!!" Ayame charged at kage, who had just ran back to the bridge. As she steadied the bokuto, Hijikata ,kondo, Gin, and Shinpachi's eyes all widened_. DANG IT!! SHE CAN'T SWORDFIGHT!! _Hijikata mentally cursed himself. She wasn't even holding the bokuto correctly; at this rate, she was going to get hurt!

"H-hoy!!" Gin shouted.

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Chapter finished!! Wow my eyes are burning.. did this all in one day...

next time; Strength! Speed! Stamina!

Thanks for reading


	4. Strength! Speed! Stamina! SB vs SS!

**WHAT?! - It's the Battle of the Season!!  
"Gin", "Hijikata" VS "Gin-san!" "Toshiro-san!"  
Chapter four - Strength! Speed! Stamina!;  
Stinky beans VS Stinky skills!**

Hello this is chapter four-enjoy. Yawnn...

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Kage had never fought with a sword before. She knew nothing about the crappy object, except for that it was used to poke things, and cut meat. She knew even less about a wooden one; a _bokuto_. The only weapon she'd even used before were a fork, and the gun she stole from the shinsengumi- but shooting at the ceiling a couple of times wasn't so hard..At first, kage had desperately tried to unshealth it; only to find no openings and realizing that it was all a piece of wood. What the hell do you do with that..?! And against a kunoichi who looked like she had tons of experiences already..Swinging that iron rope thing connected to a scythe madly; looking like freaking girl-tarzan.. And why the heck was that mentally retarded permanent perm screaming like crazy..?! What did he want, dammit? Wasn't it enough that he dragged her into this and gave her a stupid piece of wood to defend against heaven's gloriful scythe..?! 

"Holy shit she really doesn't know anything about swordfighting, does she..?!" Gin said to a nervous hijikata. He shook his head shakily. Kage was gonna die. Yep. Better order for a tombstone. I mean really.. she was holding it in the off-centered middle; like it was a monk-stick or something. But at lease his commander was enjoying it. "Careful!! Dodge!! To the left!! What the fuck!!?! Bam!! Almost!! Not like that!! careful precission!! Strength! Speed! Staminaa!!" Kondo was jumping around excitedly; as kage was doing the exactly same thing on the bridge; just not so excitedly.

While dodging ayame's attacks one by one; kage began to ponder why the hell did edo's police force swear so much. I mean really.. kondo and toushiro alone have more shit comming out of their mouths than all the other characters put together. "Uru..sei...kondo!!!"

Hijikata gasped. Nobody called HIS commander just "kondo"... That's it.. he was switching up sides. "AYAKE-SANN!!! GO AYAKEE-SANN!! BEAT UP THAT CRAPPY UNIFORM STEALER!!!" The vice-commander punched into the air, chewing up his cigarette unconsciously in a matter of seconds.

The yorozuya members sweatdropped. "its ayame-san.. not ayake-san.."

On the bridge; things were finally getting heated. "Hm. Not bad, kage-san. But the only one that i love is..gin-san! and you can't beat true love!" Ayame proclaimed dutifully as she threw a set of shuriken at the shinsengumi. Jumping onto the railing; kage stumbled and was it not for getting her sleeve stuck around a pole; would have lost the battle. Ayame pinned kage onto the bridge just as she was getting back on.._Why are all the women i've meet so far..._Kage sweatdropped. _If only i knew how to-_

Kage's eyes widened a bit as she flashbacked to this morning. Permanent perm was reading his magazine.. and on the cover was a picture of an orange haired boy slashing at this monster with a blinding light surrounding them both. Out of a speech bubble was the word "bankai". It was called bleak-no bleach. She looked to the bokuto in her hands. Realizing the similarities and flipping it around; kage slid under and between ayame's legs; and jumped onto the railing once more; knowing that the kunoichi will follow her. Sure enough, only seconds later their battle was moved to the thin railing that dangled precariously over white, bubbling, infinate rapids. Nah. It wasn't actually so bad-i'm just bragging about how many descriptive words i know, heh heh. Ahem.."that dangled precariously over".. a-a tiny pond.

_This is it.._Ayame ran towards kage with her final blow. Yosh. Kage readied her sword. Alrighty. "B-B-B-BANKAIII!!!!" Closing her eyes, and waiting for something to happen, kage flung the bokuto in thin air. Nothing happened. No big flash or blood and gore. "Hnn... stupid thing.. must be becuase the stupid perm's been using you the whole time..." Kage twitched frustratedly and swung it a couple of times more. Ayame and everyone else on land bulged their eyes out and gaped at the comical scene in front of their eyes. It was like cosplay or something.

"...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, STUPID..??!?!" Kondo and hijikata screamed out in unison; not caring of they were screaming at a girl. They jabbed a hand at ayame, who was twitching. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?" Kage's features darkened, as she slowly turned around, showing the two commanders "eyes of the devil". They flinched miserably.

Gin was still staring at kage. Bankai.. What a "gin" type of thing to say.. and he found himself slowly running his hand through his messy silver curls, and chuckling. This girl really was something..Suddenly a large rumble shook the air.

"What...?! Earthquake? At this time of day..?!" shinpachi paled. He began pushing everyone out of the area..with the exception of sadaharu, of course. He traveled on shin's head."EVACUATE!!! WE'RE IN A DANGER ZONE!!" Kage's shoulders slumped. Great. They were on top of a bridge, for kami's sake. How much dangerous can it get..!?

"..where are you going?" Ayame pointed at kage. "the battle's not finished yet!" Kage held up her hands in an apology. "rest." Ayame sighed. Oh well.. might as well fill up on beans.. "oh.. and i give." ..WHAT..?! SHE GIVES UP..!??!? Ayame gapes at the shinsengumi, yawning and falling onto the grass beside the rest of the gaping group. It seems like they "gape" a lot these days.. Wait a minute.. That meant.. gin-san.. was..hers..?! Forgetting that she was on a railing, ayame jumps foreward towards her gin-san-and falls into the water. But that didn't matter. "gin-san!! i'll pick you up tonight at the yorozuya at eight!" Gin clutched onto hijikata and screamed as ayame blushed while sending him a kiss. As soon as the kiss, which had been flying in the air for quite sometime now, reached him, gin howled and sobed. "NO!! IVE TOLD YOU THIS BEFORE!! I-" But the violet haired woman was gone.

"Hmph. Seems like you're in trouble, gintoki." A familiar voice said. And looking at kage; "and aren't you the most hard working one."

"ah! Zur-!!" Gin brightened up at his old comrade with Elizabeth, the weird penguin hybrid. But kagura and shinpachi slapped a hand on top of their 'caretaker's mouth just before he could reveal the identity of the 'space captain' cosplayer in front of them to the open ears of the shinsengumi.

"Ahh..the shade is wonderful." Kage opened her eyes-and meets the eye of katsura, looking down at her. Elizabeth's eyes widened, as she/he/it held up a sign reading; _Holy crap. You've got beautiful eyes.._ (Of course-elizabeth hadn't realized that kage was in fact-a girl.) Elizabeth was blushing and hiding behind katzura, who was shocked at the contents of the sign-just like the rest of the gang. Kage continued to stare at katsura, oblivious to everything around her. Katsura forced himself to look away, and it became awkward for quite a while with the silence. Finally, gin realized and pointed out that she was peacefully napping with her eyes open and was actually not staring at zura. For once, katsura didn't bother to correct gin, even if it was in his mind, as he was busily investigating if what he procclaimed was indeed correct.

"oy.. kage.." Gin poked her, while shinpachi and kagura pulled and nudged. "yup. asleep. hey.. something's strange..why isn't sadaharu biting kage..?!" Sensing that gin was talking about himself; sadaharu immediately bit on an exasperated gin's head-making it bleed.

"hm.. come to think of it- sadaharu didn't ever bite her before..eh?" Kagura thought with a "hm".

"..hey.. you're right." Shinpachi said, confirming. Everyone turned to sadaharu- who was currently biting on zatsura's hand. Then they turned to the sleeping, now with eyes closed, kage, jealousy flowing from their bodies like currents. Again, kage was oblivious. Instead, she squirmed in her sleep, and kicked the gin and zatsura; two people who were sitting nearest beside her. Right in the thing.

"..mmmmnn..mnn..a-ahhhh..t-that HURTT!! I-it-ite...p-pain..." They both pressed their arms between their legs, bringing it up to their chins in pain. Kage began to twist and turn again, muttering something.

"ah! that's right! when she was living in the closet- at night i always heard banging noises-kage seems to be awfully active while sleeping." Hijikata rubbed his chin thoughtfully. At that, everyone flinched and tried to move as far away-but since both gin and katsura were.."injured".. could not move fast enough before she struck out again- dead-panning the both of them.

"..AHH!! kage-san! i'll save you! don't move!!!" Kondo jumped onto kage with a battle cry, squishing her into the earth.

"um.. commander. she's awake." hijikata managed to blurt out as everyone else seemed to be frozen in shock.

"Huh. oh." Kondo got off her, and posed like superman. "sorry, kage-san.. but being a shinsengumi.. out task is to stop pain in the world." Hiijikata and kage mentally flinched. "...ah thats right. Commander-im tired and-" kondo and hijikata knew that phrase way too well. "uhm.. GINTOKI!!" Kage turned to see the stupid perm try to sneak away.

"gin-san.. im hungry." Kagura and Kage linked arms and glared at gin. It was the golden pair!! The two people who could eat away this earth...

"what the hell are you talking about-you didn't even win that duel." Gin scratched his head glancing at kage.

"hm.. that's right." kagura sighed. "i guess we'll have to eat rice again today.."

But kage walked up to gin. "hey, perm. Don't forget miss ayame.."_tonight, gin-SAN..at eight.."_." Gin shuddered. How could he? "..what is it..?"

Kage nodded. "treat us all- and i mean all including bethy here-" She put an arm over elizabeth's shoulder.. or..er.. where her shoulder would be.. making the penguin smile-well..act "happy" anyways. Katsura smiled, while the rest of the "sane" group turned to puke. "beth, huh.. sounds good."

"WHAT..?! KAGE.. HOW CAN YOU LIKE SUCH A DISGUSTING THING.." Gin pulled kage away from the ugly hybrid. Well.. it would be-since its so ugly. "im telling you-that thing is infectious. don't touch it!" Gin, hijikata, shinpachi, kagura, and kondo all whispered.. brushing off kage's clothes. Katsura winced at this act, and elizabeth seemed offended as well. "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING..?! ELIZABETH IS BEAUTIFUL!!"

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?! THERE'S SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IN THAT BIRD!! ACTUALLY IT CAN'T EVEN BE DESCRIBED AS A BIRD!!" Gin yelled back pointing at elizabeth, starting a heated debate on whether elizabeth is beautiful or not.

"fuck...shut up, dammit!" the "bad-boyz" shinsengumi members exploded finally. "we're leaving- thanks for the entertainment... oh and kage..i won't be home for about two days-commander and i are taking a break. Live with perm for a while. ja ne." The two walked off with a wave, leaving kage with the yorozuya for a few days..without even freaking asking..jeez...

"ah... seems like i have no choice then but to.. sigh well..gin-if you do want to fuck with that purple haired girl all night-" kage started. At this...gin realized the true depth of his situation, and paled. "NO! please. I've never done it yet- and i want the first time to be special...Mabye the babe from the weather forecast..but..help me...!!" gin pleaded, cupping her hands within his own, and began to sob hysterically. Kage yawned, feeling indifferent.

"treat us- and i'll go on a FAKE, remember... fake, date with you tonight."

"EH..?!" everyone gasped. _She was willing to do that for gin-san..?!? _Gin stared at her. Was this girl really serious..?! she was willing to do that for hi- oh. right. he was gonna have to treat them.. and she acutally liked elizabeth.. so it would mean dinning with that..thing...

"Gin-chan accepts!!" kagura said for him. "common, gin-chan! are you really that stupid..?!"

"hey! who said you could say it for me, stupid girl?! besides..you just wanna eat don't you.."

"well.. if you must do it with her for the rest of your life.." kagura picked at her ear, watching gin flinch. Even sadaharu seemed to tell him that it was a good idea. By biting him extra hard of course.

"you know.. maybe she would think you're cheating on her and leave you alone forever-"shinpachi added. "not to mention we'll be full for once.." Gin growled. "Who said i thought that it wasn't a good idea? Yosh. Kage, elizabeth. Let's go." Gin pulled on kage's arm, followed by an exasperated katsura and a still hiding elizabeth, and led them away from the dog and the other two yorozuya members, who were protesting against this unfairness. "THAT'S NOT FAIR!! GIN-CHAN!! I OVERESTIMATED YOU!! YOU BAKAAAA!!!!"

_

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_

Thanks for reading. Done in four hours straight.. and watching gintama right now..

Next time! erm.. havent thought of title yet!! but it'll be great!!


	5. True Love!

**WHAT?! - It's the Battle of the Season!!  
"Gin", "Hijikata" VS "Gin-san!" "Toshiro-san!"  
Chapter five - True Love!!**

Don't worry- this chap isn't as lovey-lovey as it sounds; im expecting a loong story out of this- and only romance heavily hinted right now is the NON romance between Isao and Otae - the lovely humor couple (gotta luv our fav commander -). I do like kagura and shinpachi's strange relationship as well; darn im babbling again aren't i? enjoy!

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"Pressed sushi, onigiri, salmon, sashimi, alaska, calimari, udon, miso-soup, Ebisu- bring them all!" The waiter and gin sweatdropped at kage's food incantation that surely brought death upon both the restaurant and gin-san's wallet. "h-hai, sir." The waiter hurriedly returned to the kitchen, and brought back out everything they had. Kage grinned and leaned on elizabeth. "bethy.. are you okay with just sushi at a japanese restaurant?" Elizabeth nodded and held up a sign which we have cut from the scene for younger audiences' enjoyment. Katsura flushed for a moment; and made elizabeth switch seats with himself-incase the hybrid got out of hand and could not control him/her/it-self. Kage seemed oblivious to the board, and turned to gin, who was crying a river. "you eat sushi?" Gin nodded silently, still in shock, as the food arrived. 

"itadakimasu." Katsura said, and picked up a piece of sushi for elizabeth. "here." Elizabeth's mouth opened up and out came a hand that grabbed the sushi. It nodded to katsura thankfully, to which he smiled at the bird-thing. Gin stared at the strange scene for a moment before nudging kage who was making everything disappear before his very eyes like magic. "hey! look- i told you that..that.. _thing_ was dangerous!! look at that! theres something in it!!" Kage with her stuffed cheeks turned to look as the hand once again reached out and grabbed a piece of sushi. "what?" Gin flinched. She didn't notice..?! how could she not notice..?!?!

Katsura looked at the girl in front of him who was eating at an alarming rate. He then noticed that she hadn't said "itadakimasu." And also that she wasn't using chopsticks, but rather her hands. "you don't seem like you're around here." Kage looked up at the long haired man looking at her strangely. "you didn't say itadakimasu- and you're not using chopsticks." Gin looked from katsura to kage, and noticed this as well. "you're right, zura." Before kage opened her bulging mouth to say anything (and good thing, too!) katsura stood up, and upper-cutted gin, who shouted as blood was spilt. "its _not_ Zura! it's Katsura!" As he got back to his seat, kage began to explain; both of them leaving gin on the floor and unconscious.

"i am from around here-i was born..i forgot.. and ah.. i forgot to say itadakimasu again eh.. you see..i can't use chopsticks- see?" kage said, poking at a piece of fish with her chopsticks, it dropping back down. The rest of the group gaped at this. "eh..?! you're japanese!! how can you eat things?!" (note: the ramen she ate that night with hijikata; she used the bowl and drank it up) A few hours later...

"..WHAT..?!ARE YOU STILL NOT DONE YET..?!!" Gin stared at the girl slurping tea. He had just puked from eating too much salami, and yet she's still not finished. She may eat alot, but at least kagura eats fast. Jeez. Elizabeth and katsura had long since left- something about a meeting with peace fighters from fawaway lands (lame-i know -).

"..no. im fini-uaaaahhhh..j-jya..!!" Kage stuttered, dropping her tea and holding onto her stomach. She ran from the room and onto the streets; where she continuously puked. On someone's shoes; that is. But that ain't matter-she's got her shinsengumi badge..oh yeeeaaahhh.. this is why she got the job in the first place. After wiping herself on the sleeve of hijikata's jacket; she walked back in- only to be pushed out again by the stupid perm. "RUN!!!" After realizing that the reason about a dozen chefs holding big meat-knives were chasing after them was because the retarded perm didn't pay-kage sighed; realizing that running was not the solution. Grabbing onto gin's suit from the collar and dragging him back to the crowd, kage reached into her pockets and took out a note-pad, quickly scribbled something on it, ripped it off, and handed it to what looked like the captain from the extra big meat-knife he was carrying. "700000 yen...Let's go, yorozuya.. im tired."

Gin gaped at her, as the meat-knives people retreated with a wide grin on their faces, all muttering a hearty "thanks", patting him on the back, and congratulating him on what a great life he's got. "WHAT THE HELL...?! 700000 yennn..?!?! WHERE'D YOU GET THAT KINDA MONEY..?!?! WHY'D YOU ASK ME TO TREAT YOU, THEN..?! does that shinsengumi job really pay that much..?! maybe i should switch careers.." Kage sighed tiredly. "no.. shinsengumi doesn't pay me at all- i just stay there cuz i get the badge to puke on people's shoes and i get to live without payment." Gin unlocked the door to the yorozuya. "then where'd you get that cash?!"

"...i steal of course. idiot.. can't you tell- i go visit catherine twice a week..she's my senpai."

Just as gin was about to protest, however, he was meet with two extremely angry teenagers pulling, biting, stabbing, killing at his precious anime-flesh. "THAT WAS SO IRRESPONSIBLE!!" "YEAH!!" "NOT FAIR!!" Actually it was only kagura who did anything at all since shinpachi couldn't harm a fly-even in the worst of times. "kagura!! i promise you can come tonight on our date!!" Gin squirmed free for a second, and heroicly swung an arm around kage's shoulders. She stumbled, and colapsed onto the couch-looks like she was sleeping with her eyes open again- a specialty of hers.

"why the hell would i want to do that..." kagura glared at him.

"well.. we're gonna spend the night at shinpachi's- wouldn't you like to see what it's like? and make shinpachi alone tell ayame that i've "cheated" on her..." Kagura brightened at that. "gin-chan, will i be able to bring sadaharu?" Gin flinched. "ah..no.. sorry- otae-chan doesn't allow erm..pets..?!" Shinpachi stood grounded to the spot. He was frozen. THEY DIDN'T EVEN FREAKING ASK!! "WHAT!! YOU DIDN'T EVEN FREAKING ASK!!" Both gin and kagura waved a hand at him. "it's okay- you welcome friends anytime." Shinpachi twitched _...I..do_..?!

1111111111111111111111111111111

_That night..._

"alright, let's go, shinpachi, you can come after ayame hears the news. if you tell her were we are hiding; i'll chop your head off." Gin didn't avert his eyes from the jump he was reading. "bye,bye sadaharu- be good!" kagura patted the giant dog on the head, and pushed him into the place outside the snack shop; where she first found him. Kage was still asleep, and no matter how much gin nudged her; all he got back as a response was a slap to the cheek. An extremely hard slap that was pressured due to her amazing speed. "Glych..Kage, wake up dammit.." Gin's rough voice delivered him a kick this time. Again; right in the family jewels. _That's it..._ Not caring about anything but getting out of this place before that masochist purple freak gets here.. Gin hoisted kage-who was still wearing that disgusting outfit onto his shoulder, one hand holding onto his jump. "kagura, let's go." "okay.." Shinpachi glared at them, before slamming the door shut with a "retard".

A few minutes later, they arrived at the doorway, gin still hoisting kage who slept through everything, and finally putting away his jump. The door opened, and Otae stepped out, surprised at their arrival. "huh? what are you all doing here? where's shin?"

"ah.. its a long story-"

"gin-chan's avoiding a crazy masochist who's after him and he's on a date with kage-chan." Kagura butt in, chewing on a piece of sukonbu. Otae's eyes widened as gin lectured the girl about how it's unproper to just butt in. Otae pushed them in, quickly closing the door before that damned stalker sneakes in again.. not like if she closes the door it will have any difference.. Kagura settled on the floor of the bedroom that was obviously otae's by the oriented egg recipies taped onto the walls. Gin stood there dumbly for a while, ran his free hand through his hair awkwardly and nudged kage slightly with his head. "..um..where do i put her?"

"oh! what the fuck.. she's still asleep?!" Otae-san smiled, with a vein popping slightly on her head. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU PERMMED ASSHOLE WAKE HER UP!!!"

"ah!! its not like that! i've tried, you see.. but she won't budge-see..?!" Gin said, slipping the girl off his shoulder and into his arms, cradle position, so he could point to his swollen cheek that was quite purple.

"why don't you try kissing her-it always seems to work in movies." The commander and stalker suggested, scaring the creep out of everyone. "YOU STALKER!! WHEN DID YOU GET IN HERE..?!?!" Otae was prepared to punch the commander, when kage suddenly woke up. Sitting up and crawling away from gin and beside otae, kage stared at everything around her with a moody glare. She was in a bad mood. A really bad mood, because she'd just remembered that a certain black haired cigg smoking hot-head had left her alone for two whole days. But wait. Where is this black haired cigg smoking hot-head..?!

_At a bar... _

"hijikata-kunnnnn" _heh heh.. this is the life.. now if only they'd get some more mayonnase here..._

_Back at the dojo..._

Kage seemed to darken even further"..he's at a bar. A bar. The one two blocks away from here; neon orange and pink lights feathers.. its expensive. Lady Bust... Sougou!!" At once sougou jumps into the scene, dressed like a ninja. "hai, little sister!!" Otae, gin, kondo and kagura gaped at the team. Brother..?! sister..?! WHAT..?!?! They were RELATED..?!?!

"SOUGOU!!! WHAT..?! SHE'S YOUR LITTLE SISTER..?! hey how'd you know she was a girl..?!" Kondo shook the captain who tossed a half dozen of knives to kage, who catched them swiftly, and jumped outside in one step, with her inhuman speed. "Ah no. We're not blood siblings; but be do share the same goal and spirit-to eliminate hijikata toushirou from the face of this earth." kondo and gin sweatdropped as the "elder" elimination-sibling glowed red with passion. He then followed his "sister" outside. "wait!!" gin and kondo ran after him; gin screaming to kagura to stay put.

At the bar..

Toushirou was in paradise. Drowning in sake, with four beautiful women who all came willingly and unasked, and were all currently in their under-garments and fluttering over the handsome and drunken shinsengumi. He smirked drowsily as one chocolate haired one blushed and lay ontop of him, giggling, while another blond one went to lay a kiss on his cheek. He took a bite out of his mayonnaise glazed, mayonase filled, mayonaise spread, and mayonnaise covered dango. The other two who were not getting a chance to get close to him huffed and whinned. He couldn't really see them at all, he was so tired, and his body felt so heavy.. But what he did feel was the warmth of their bodies on his cool bare chest, and their sweet voices-

"..hijikata-san.. what are you doing..? do you realize that my dear darling sister had to resort to sleeping in that permmed ronin's house and not in the comfort of her own home..?!" Toushirou felt a hand grip at his shoulder and the girls screaming and leaving the room through the door which these..people had bust open. His eyes couldn't adjust at all, and he found himself in a confused daze..What was he doing here? Who were these people..?? "Toushi! Sougou, calm down!!" That voice was awfully familiar..somehow he had the vague remembrance of a ..gorilla..?! "hey, listen to your commander; we're not paying for anything if anything bad happens-"

"Killll..." Kage walks silently out of a corner-has she been there the whole time..?! Gin and kondo screamed at the sight. If they thought kagura and sougou's auras were scary.. at least theirs were colorful..kage's body seemed to be engulfed in a mass of black flames, that exploded anything it made contact with by a surge of lightning. Sougou let go of the commander who groaned and held his head against the pain. Looking up; he saw the silhuett of black..toushirou really just wanted to go to sleep right now.. but the black figure didn't allow him to. Throwing the knives just inches from his head, skinning his left cheek along with his pants; kage growled and pinned him to the floor in a flash of black. Gin and kondo colapsed onto the floor from shock. "..Dear kami..."

Sougou watched the scene, maliciously smiling. "This is the day, hijikata."

Growling at the drunken toushirou with her face just inches away from his; the commander's head spun. His vision was finally lifting a little from the pain on his legs and cheek; but his head was still pounding like crazy. This girl..who was she again..? And why was his upper torso freezing cold..?! "Hijikata..!! This is your mission..?!" Kage pointed to the silver haired samurai. Taking out her last knife and holding it up high, kage and sougou both grinned. "die..."

"DON'T TOUCH HIMM!! AND IT'S NOT HIJIKATA; IT'S TOUSHIROU-SANNN!!! I-I LOVE YOU!! i-i don't know what to do-gin-san or toushirou-san.." Ayame barges into the room, with a bar-girl trying to hold her back. Ayame looks at kondo with tears in her eyes. Toushirou blinks rapidly while stitting up and clutching onto the black-clad figure for support, as kage slids off him staring at the violet haired woman who was about to kiss kondo. The commander blushes and tries to push her away as gin shoves her glasses onto her face. "that's not toushirou." Kondo colapses shuddering as ayame walks across the room to where kage and toushirou were sitting at the moment. Throwing kage off with strange comical strength, ayame then sighs and holds her cheek with a hand, tears streaming down her face. "what were you two doing..? why..why was he ontop of you?? why are you wearing nothing but pants? toushirou-san.."

Kage twitched as her blood began to boil. "oy..ayame.. you can have him-once im done with him that is." Not understanding the real meaning of this and taking it as kage wanted to "do things" with her toushirou-san, ayame pointed at the girl with a sudden glare.

"We'll duel then!! I challenge you! top the bridge!! winner get's toushirou-san and gin-san's TRUE LOVE!!!"

Toushirou got up and stumbled a bit before sneezing and colapsing again, throwing up the majority of the alchohol he consumed that night. Looking about him at the familiar faces and groaning, he tried to recall any memory of what has happened so far tonight. Nope. Nothing. Why the hell was this purple freak clinging on him..? at least he could steal some warmth..hey..where the fuck was his jacket..?! why-oh, shit. He didn't come to a bar, getting himself drunk, and then... Paleing and then flushing dark red, hijikata snatched his arm back with a growl and ran behind kage. "hey..what's going on..?!"

Kage looked at him with a twirked eyebrow. _He had no memories of what happened? That's a lie.._but upon looking at hijikata's pink cheeks and flustered cheeks and shivering body that stayed close to herself, sougou and gin, it seemed like he really didn't mean what happened. But she couldn't betray her vow to kill him..and she really did want to see what ayame can do to a man. Stepping aside, "you have have it. I don't want it."

Hijikata blinked at her, not realizing the situation that he was in_. What was she talking about_..? Then he saw the kunoichi flinging herself at him hungrily, and flinched with a shout. "NOOOOOOO!! Kage!! help me!! ehh..?! im an ? "it"..?! Don't be so cold!!" Gin laughed heartily, but stopped once he noticed sougou staring at him with an evil smile on his face. "oh.. don't celebrate too early, my friend.." Throwing gin out to suffer along with hijikata, the madman nodded, and jumped out a window. Very. Oh so verry naruto styled.

Ayame was truly in heaven. "toushirou-san...gin-san.. who should i choose?! oh im so confused!! this must be what **true love** feels like!!"

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thanks for reading - next time!! well..um.. see you then!! 


	6. Memoires

**WHAT?! - It's the Battle of the Season!!  
"Gin", "Hijikata" VS ****"Gin-san!" "Toshiro-san!"  
Chapter six - Memories**

This chapter is pretty much angsty.. well not really...oh what the heck.. read on!! sigh

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_"Pathetic.." The boy with short jet-black hair crushed the cigarett under his shoe and got up to leave. He turned his back on the girl with also short black hair who was bleeding profusedly and kneeling. "wait!! brother!!" _

_The black haired boy stopped. His silver eyes turned to the girl. "..leave. leave this place-just go. Im not your brother." He walked away with his robes of pure silver ruffling in the wind. It was cold. The girl had nothing more than a ripped shirt on and some pants. Everywhere on her body there were numerous cuts and blood was splattered everywhere as well. She looked up to the sky. That's right..she wasn't the princes' little sister at all; in fact she was a dirty rotten orphan raised on the streets. _

_The only reason she was even here; living like a princess-no living **as** a princess was because the real princess yuki had died from a mysterious illness that the physicians did not have a cure for and did not want the king to find out. So she was placed instead; seven years old; the second child; the princess. But then two years later; the king had also died. So now, to keep the secrecy of it all from the villagers, nine year old kage is still second in line - not like she wanted or will ever be one the throne.. her "teacher" and the rest of the officials and anyone in the castle seemed healthy enough beating her day to day pushing her to practice and train her strength; after all.. all members of the royal family were amanto yet human looking.. and they were poweful. Not just strong; but powerful. Smart. They were like the yato clan which served as their distant cousins; but the royal family had unbelievable genius that was said to occur only once every generation. Every last one of them. _

_Even as a kid kage was scragly enough to put a bitter taste in some of the royals mouths. She posessed no daring genius and infinite strengh, so what was the use? Every day she'd come to the garden where dozens of commanders and tutors would set up deadly challenges for both the body and the mind. No matter how fast she could hide; she was never strong enough; never clever enough. So they beat her. For every mistake, ever slip, every fail, she would be cut with a blade. Then they left her. At first she cried, but then slowly the pain numbed, slowly no more tears found their way out. _

_Nobody cared about how much blood was lost, how close she was to death. But then the prince, her "brother", started comming to watch her train. And so they stopped doing those things to her. When he was there, none of them dared to disgrace themselves, and only glared at her with putrid hate oozing out; hate that they had to serve this girl who wasn't even royalty. It wasn't like the prince liked her any more; he ignored her, and left her alone at night just like the rest of them. But she knew that the reason he kept comming was because he knew what was happening. She understood that the prince must have been angry, pained, and saddened to have a girl who lived on the streets be his sister; to replace his real sister. _

_That day was like any other; except he was ill. So she had been beaten and cut again. Quietly slipping into her room shivering and barely able to stand; kage who was now twelve years old-it being five years since she had gotten here and three since the king died- slipped off her clothing which were torn and ripped, barely giving off any warmth at all and were soaked in dirt and sweat mixed. She blinked rapidly to keep herself unconscious as she entered the bathroom. The wooden tub was filled to the brim with water already; much to her surprise. Violently shaking as her wounds were reopened in the hot water, she found a note on the floor-_

-Take better care of yourself if you want to live. 

_Being trained for so long in both the body and mind; kage immediately knew that it was her "brother" who wrote this message; and that it meant more than just "take better care of yourself by taking a bath and caring for your wounds". It meant that it was time. They were going to assasionate her tonight. She knew because its been long enough since the king died and nobody really cared if the princess was here or not; they had the prince who was to rule. _

_So she did the only thing she could do- she ran. But if running was all it took to escape the castle; she would have done it sooner. Instead; she was resorted to killing, not just one or two amanto; but twelve; one of which was one of her tutors. Twelve amanto and eighteen guards. The neck. The neck. The neck. Blood. Blood. Kill. Kill. Until she was able to flee from castle grounds and onto a spaceship. All night long-hiding in a spaceship wiht nothing but a robe-a servant's robe, which was splattered with blood; no matter how tired she was; how hungry; she couldn't fall asleep. She just kept staring at her hands; covered with the blood from others' veins; and the chipped blade. She clutched at the blade until her own blood began to spill, mixing with the other ones. Finally the girl slept. And dreamed horrible things; where the distorted faces of those she had slaughtered played again and again in her mind. Again. Again. Again._

Kage shouted out in angst and sat up suddenly. She was sweating. A lot. her clothes stuck to her skin and she felt her ankles unable to move as they were twisted and wrapped in the bedsheet. That's right. She was at the yorozuya. In the stupid perm's room on a spare mat. Not on the spaceship. She was somewhat early twenties; not twelve. Not twelve anymore. Suddenly the door banged open as the silver perm; wearing shorts and a t-shirt ran into the room breathing heavily. "What happened?! Oi!! are you-..what the hell; you were dreaming we'ren't you..?!"

Gin sighed exasperatedly while running a hand through his permmed hair. "jeez.. and just when i was getting to the best part of my dream..and i have to sleep on the couch-do you know how much it hurts my back..?!"

"You should get married, and move out."

Gin glared reaproachfully at the shinsengumi and flinched at the thought of the kunoichi that he had "wed" the last time. "What are you talking about?! well...i did but-"

"what kind of woman was she-to take **you**..probably cheated on you or something..." Kage walked out of the room followed by a protesting gin and switched on the light. Or rather she tired to. "Hn.. H-huh, why.." Gin pulled her off before she could break the switch; and tried flicking it a few times himself. ".. its a blackout." Kage sat on the couch and waited as gin called kagura up.

"yo..." Surprisingly kagura did open her eyes after a few moments and yawned. "what happened?"

"blackout-hey!! im your fearless leader!! not her!! NOT HER!!" gin burst out with a glare. Shinpachi who was sleeping over (due to something about omlets) and kagura's eyes widened as their mouths dropped. Kage didn't seem to notice that gin just refered her as a "she".

"..um, kage-_chan_...? why do you..i mean why did you tell everyone you were a boy?" shinpachi nervously asked as he sat down on the sofa facing gin with kagura. Kage threw herself onto the couch, which held a perturbed gin on it, lazily. "didn't. the lot just assumed i was-"

"yeah, from the way you dress for one thing-and probably more from the fact that you have absolutely no breasts-what's the matter; haven't hit puberty yet?" gin smirked and doged the kick kage sent to him. Shinpachi sat there gaping and red faced at gin's outward comment, while kagura commented on how she just started growing about a year ago...

Gin sighed dramatically, nodding. "you'll never get married this way you know.." Kage looked at him for a moment and muttered, "tsh. marriage.." The three yorozuya members were a bit blown back by this. All three were itching to ask her why she seemed so cold to relationships, crushes, and that kind of thing. After all; she didn't even care what gender she was ... they sat there in that uncomfortable silence for about twenty minutes with shinpachi nervously twidling his thumbs once every few seconds, kagura chewing on her sukonbu, and both gin and kage wistfully recalling past memories of pain. Gin grabbed a carton of strawberry milk and offered kage one, which she accepted, to shinpachi's unbelief. Both of them were unusually silent, and sat there gulping, which made shinpachi sweat even more. Suddenly, kage cried out. All three of the yorozuya members also screamed, out of terror and surprise, that is.

"PERM!, PERM!! do you have any sake?" kage grabbed the collar of his shirt and threw him to some corner.

"owowowow... hey!! you could have done that a little gentler, dontcha think?!" Gin rubbed his head and scowled at the shinsengumi. Kage didn't pay any attention to him. The other two yorozuya members who were still in shock fainted onto the sofa with a groan. "what do you need it for, anyways?"

Kage sighed, and resumed to her usual self. "meh... since we're stuck here anyways.. theres this game i played with other kids when i was young-truth.or.dare." At the last word, a red pair of glasses fell of the ceiling, and after closer inspection, the four found a cleverly disguised ayame hiding underneath the wallpaper. Smiling, the purple haired kunoichi jumped on the floor and grabbed gin's arm. Gin flinched, as he sulkily muttered about getting the sake. Ayame trailed behind him, leaving the three to absorb in what had just happened.

A few minutes later, everything was set up, with a cup and bottle in front of each of the players. Though everyone could only see the faintest silhouette of the person next to them, it was easily figured even if nothing was seen, that ayame had positioned herself right between kage and gin. "alright, shinpachi- you begin."

"what? me? what do i do?" shinpachi nervously muttered to kage who sat on his left.

"well.. everyone drinks a cup of sake during each turn except for the asker. See i picked you cause you seem most unalchoholic." Kage looked at him with a yawn. Shinpachi flushed pink angrily. "i am **not** unalchoholic!!" He grumbled.

"just start already, four-eyes!!" kagura mumbled, with a mouth full of sukonbu.

"fine fine!! sarutobi-san! erm.. truth or dare!"

Ayame giggled and sneaked a look at her gin-san, who sweatdropped. "dare." At this everyone drank a cup of sake, including shinpachi, who argued that he could do it. After much thinking, and reasoning that nobody would remember anything by the end of this anyways, shinpachi smirked and decided to be as evil as possible. Especially to a certain white haired perm that always failed to give him his well deserved monthly paycheck and who was always bullying him. "i dare you to french gin."

Gin yelped and jumped up in surprise as kagura clapped and bravoed a proud shinpachi boredly. "WHAT?! SHINPACHI!! WHAT THE HELL-" but he was cut off with an eager kiss from the female who threw herself on him, and using his surprise to her advantage, stuck her tongue into his mouth. It was disgusting. Beans shoved into the end of his throat. After pushing and shoving her off him, gin made a quick route outside where he puked all the contents of the night's dinner. Disgusting. Stupid shinpachi... fine then. no more mr nice guy. It's time for payback.

* * *

MWAHAHHA what will happen?!? OOOO read on to find out!! 


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